Seasons

First of all to my sweet friend Ann-Marie: your blog is coming, I promise. Ok, so recently I finished reading Psalms (for 8 *millionth* time in my life because I just love it so much and learn something new every time) and was on the hunt for a new book of the bible to chew on. So, I started praying asking God to lead me to what he wanted me to read. One morning I came upon Ecclesiastes and knew that was what I needed to be reading. It has spoken to my heart in so many ways. As most of you know, this summer I spent the majority of my time in Mentone, Alabama at Ponderosa Bible Camp. My heart felt so at home there and it was difficult (to say the least) to leave the people I had grown to love, and the place I have loved since I was a little girl. I have known for many years now that God is calling me to be in Alabama later in life. What's been driving me nuts is that I know he's saying "Not yet" and I want him to say "Yes! Go now! I'll open every door you need!". Ecclesiastes talks deeply about something I've really needed to hear lately: There is a time for everything. "A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to uproot, A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." (Ecc. 3:2-6) So, what I'm learning is just like the passing seasons, such is this time in my life. But here's the thing about seasons, no matter what season it is there will always be sun (For the sake of my illustration, the people in Alaska don't count). There is always good in every time of your life, there is always joy! So, I am attempting to learn to be content with where God has me, even if I know with every ounce of me that it's not where I want to be. He will open the door when it is *His* time and so I'll just have to be patient and contentedly wait for the season to change.

Some Gingers Really Do Have Souls

Oh, my sweet redheaded girl. Now, my best friend here in Florida is a ginger (although she too is far from the stereotypical ginger) nonetheless before meeting Hayley I already had my preconceived notions. But oh, how she put those to rest all too fast. Hayley is the *definition* of a passionate person; with all the temper I would expect, yet more love than I could have hoped for. Before camp I started a facebook message with all the girls, but her and I hit it off the best. I knew for sure we would be friends, yet, when I got to camp we didn't get as close as fast as I thought we would. Midway through the first week of camp, we ended up having a heart-to-heart in the girls bathroom of the gym until sometime way past lights out (Thomas I know you're reading this, sorry we didn't follow lights out that 1 time!) and come to find out, we both thought that the other didn't like us. This couldn't have been more untrue. We were so eager for the other to like us that we feared the worst. After that night, we were inseparable. Hayley is one of those people that there are so many layers to her, so many *sides* that every day you learn something new about her and it is so fun. She has the greatest laugh in the world... one of those laughs that once you hear it you become unsure as to whether you may or may not pee your pants because you laugh so hard. Hayley has this way of always understanding how I feel. Even if she can't relate, she *understands* and I can tell her anything. I've never understood what it meant to have a friend that "laughs when you laugh and cries when you cry" I got the laugh part, but I never understood why someone would cry with me, simply because they know how I feel. That late night in the girls bathroom, Hayley cried with me. She shared in how I was feeling, and she has ever since. She's my cabin neighbor and my snuggle buddy and whether she goes to Honduras or Kenya with our dear friend Justin Beiber, I know she will always be there for me. <3

A Little Blond Weirdo With A Fish Named David

Ok, so as promised I'm continuing to write about people and experiences from this summer. Today I'm going to write about a very dear friend of mine. Her name is Miranda. Now, the first thing you have to know about Miranda is that she's a very......unique person. The first day of camp she was the last person to show up. I had seen her on facebook but I wasn't really sure what to expect. Well, in walks this little bleach blonde girl, betta fish in hand referring to him simply as "david" and talking about how her and "david" took a detour on the way up to Nakalulla Falls to do some sight-seeing. Miranda, I know you're reading this and I love you dearly but my first thought was "Well..this may or may not be a really long summer". However, despite my hasty preconceptions we all learned to know and love Miranda immensely. She has a personality that just draws you to be her friend. Her hilarious and carefree attitude make everyone laugh, along with her made up exclamations like "What the butts!". She's the only person in the world I know that listens to some random techno band called hard styles and despite the fact that it sounds like a computerized clanging of pots and pans she *loves it*. My favorite thing about Miranda is that despite everything she's been through she *delights* in life. She will never fail to admit her shortcomings but she doesn't let them control her. She lives and she loves and she laughs and without even trying makes everyone around her enjoy her presence. She loves God. Every morning we would have devotions and some mornings she would just run off barefoot into the field and write and pray literally oblivious to the world around her because at that moment nothing matters to her more than the time she is spending with the Lord. I strive to have that kind of faith. Miranda became one of my closest friends this summer. She's the kind of person I always wished I could be, but in becoming close with her this summer I realized something. Despite how put together she comes across, she's not perfect and she doesn't try to be. That's what makes me respect her, that's what makes me love her as a true friend and sister. Miranda: you changed my life this summer in more ways than one. There were some days and some moments where I really have no idea what I would have done if you weren't there. I know right now you're off frolicking through panama city with "dark and handsome" (as you like to call him) and his family, but when you read this know that you will forever have a special place in my heart as one of my truest friends. For as much as I give you a hard time about going to Alaska, I'm proud of you for following your heart. I know I'll see you soon <3

Awkward Moments and Life Changes

Ok, so here's the skinny: I just got back from Ponderosa Bible Camp. I've been there the past 6 weeks as most of you know, and it was an experience that changed my life in more ways than I can count. God used me in ways I never thought possible and brought so many amazing people into my life. So, I'm going to take the next few blogs to write about my experiences and the people I now call my best friends. I'll start off today with the funniest story of the summer: The Naked Story. Ok, so pretty much anyone that knows me knows that I'd pretty much always rather be naked. Just sayin. Well, I was in a cabin in the gym so I was allotted the boys bathroom. It was Sunday morning and I decided to take a shower. My friend Hayley was the only other person in the gym, so when I got out I didn't get dressed! The door was shut and no one was around; why would I need to? So, I started blow-drying my hair and singing "Hosanna" by brooke fraser at the TOP of my lungs. Well, much to my surprise all of the sudden this old guy comes prancing in! He came around the corner and saw me and said "AH!" and ran out. I was pretty much frozen. I mean, It's not like I had anything to cover myself with. I was naked as the day I was born, no shelter in sight. Well, I was mortified to say the least. So, I called my boss crying explaining to him what happened. Come to find out, that "old guy" was my boss's boss's boss. Oh yea. Needless to say, his stay over the next few days was ridiculously awkward. Ok, now here comes the real point: That is how we are with God. He sees us, everywhere we go, everything we do. We may think no one's around and so we do things that we'd be really embarrassed to be seen doing in front of people, let alone our creator. But he sees and he knows! So (unlike in my story) what's the point in trying to hide from the Lord? There isn't a point. He loves us and wants a relationship with us, so why try to hide? He sees you whether you like it or not, so you can bask in his love and confess to him when you mess up as he designed. Or, you can run and hide and be content to sing naked in the bathroom thinking that's the best it gets when the truth is, you can only dance around in your mistakes so long before God will call you out and make you realize that just like adam and eve we can't hide our "nakedness" of sin. So, the moral of the story is: get dressed when you get out of the shower, and don't try to hide your mistakes from God. Enjoy the freedom to be forgiven and your life will change.

Fireflies

God's creation has always amazed me. As you all know, I'm spending my summer in Mentone, Al and this area possess's something Florida doesn't: fireflies. They are something I've always loved. I think fireflies are the weirdest creatures, the way their butts light up. I mean, come on, Who else could think of that but an all powerful creator? They are the most beautiful bugs (and this is coming from the girl that hates bugs). This summer God has been working in my heart in so many ways. I've become convicted of a lot of things I never thought about before and I've realized how much more my life needs to change than it already has. The fireflies remind me of my savior. A beautiful light in the dark.

Sunshine, Adventures, and Everything In-between

As most of you know (and by most of you I mean all 5 of you that follow my blog) I'm at Ponderosa Bible Camp this summer as a counselor. I was going to write a blog about my past experiences here as a little girl and how that ties into now, but my older sister (who also has  blog) totally stole my thunder and beat me to it ( love you Caitlin). So I guess I'll just talk about my first few days here and what I hope to get from the rest of the summer. The first day I got here I flew in with my sweet friend Melinda and we stayed in my home town of Birmingham for 2 days. I was excited to say the least, but a little nervous to see some people I hadn't talked to in a while. It was a beautiful two days that I got to spend with some very very dear friends. On the 3rd day I met up with one of the other counselors and we immediately clicked. By the end of the day, all four of us girl counselors had bonded and it already felt like we'd known each other our whole lives. I can't even begin to explain how much love there is in a room when all of us are together. I have *never* in my whole life experienced such a feeling of love and respect and joy and peace on a daily basis. I am  just amazed at how it feels every morning to wake up and be here. Training starts this week and all the other staff comes in  tomorrow. I know that this summer will be difficult at times but I know that God knows exactly what he's doing. Riding in the car on the way to 6 Flags two days ago Mr. Jeff asked me what I was hoping to get out of this summer. To be honest, I told him I really want to know why I'm here. It became very clear that this is where God wanted me to be this summer, but I'm not sure why. I can't wait to see what he has in store for me! Thank you to all of you that are praying and supporting me while I'm here, I love you all.

The Oddball

Confession Time: I'm the world's biggest dork. Those of you that know me well are sitting at your computers nodding your head and giggling. For those of you that don't believe me, lets flash back a few years to 6th grade. I was home schooled 1-5th; that's not a *bad* thing mind you, not at all, but it greatly inhibited my social skills. I walk in to my very first day of public school wearing this: Bright orange and red pedal pusher pants (hellloooooo 90's) a bright orange shirt with a GIANT picture of red sparkly sunglasses not-so-strategically placed *directly* across my chest, tennis shoes (which is bad enough in b/c in Florida everyone only wears flip flops) WITH socks and a blue back pack that must have stuck a foot out from my back. If that wasn't bad enough, I had a large ( and dearly beloved) sparkly blue lunch-box and an insulated water bottle which I tied to the strings that hung down either side of my backpack. Oh yea, I was the picture of cool.... and by that I mean I was the biggest walking target from the "boonies" that ever lived. Thankfully, my fashion sense has improved but I'm still that same girl on the inside. I used to get picked on sooo much when I was younger, my hair was fluffy, I couldn't dress to save my life, and I always had my nose in a book. So, I learned to change my ways so that people would think I was "cool". Yes yes I realize that was stupid, but you're positively lying if you say you would have done otherwise so don't even try me. I learned how to talk, dress, and act so that I would have some semblance of fitting in. Until recently I never realized that I guard myself when I talk to people. When I text some one that I don't know as well I carefully phrase each sentence so that I don't sound weird or dorky. How dumb is that? I actually can't believe I'm admitting that, but it's true! I've realized lately that doing that makes absolutely zero sense. If I can't just speak how I normally speak, and act how I always do, even if that person likes me or enjoys me, they don't like me for who I am. They like me for who I *pretend* to be. To be perfectly honest, it's tiring and annoying and overall frustrating to pretend that you're something you're not all the time and sooner or later no one will be fooled. Usually I take the last part of my blog to give some tidbit of self-discovered wisdom, or a quote blah blah blah but to tell you the truth I'm not gonna do that this time. Why? Because I still don't quite have this figured out! I'm just now starting to accept my oddball status and realize that I like myself way better this way. It kind of goes along with my "Hot pink and sparkles" entry that I wrote a few days ago. That was my discovery of how much I enjoy being different. I'm going to be a camp counselor this summer. I will be working with 3 other girl counselors and 4 guys and to be honest I'm scared out of my mind. My little dorky inner self is still saying "What if I'm too weird, what if they don't like me, what if (heaven forbid) even my campers think I'm weird. OH NO!" The theme for camp this summer is "A Battle to Fight" and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. That's not just my inner dorky self talking, that is the evil one trying to lure me over and change my mind and cripple my heart. 1 Peter 5:8 says "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion searching for someone to devour". Well guess what? I don't feel like being a mid-meal snack today! So, I'm gonna sing the song that Dory sings in Finding Nemo to the fish that tries to eat them "No eating here tonight, No eating here tonight, No no no eating here tonight, you're onnn aaaa diiiietttt". I will bask in my oddball self knowing that God made me that way. Insecure or not, I will fight my battles and I will win because the one that is more powerful than any other is on my side, whether I'm a dork or not.