The Oddball

Confession Time: I'm the world's biggest dork. Those of you that know me well are sitting at your computers nodding your head and giggling. For those of you that don't believe me, lets flash back a few years to 6th grade. I was home schooled 1-5th; that's not a *bad* thing mind you, not at all, but it greatly inhibited my social skills. I walk in to my very first day of public school wearing this: Bright orange and red pedal pusher pants (hellloooooo 90's) a bright orange shirt with a GIANT picture of red sparkly sunglasses not-so-strategically placed *directly* across my chest, tennis shoes (which is bad enough in b/c in Florida everyone only wears flip flops) WITH socks and a blue back pack that must have stuck a foot out from my back. If that wasn't bad enough, I had a large ( and dearly beloved) sparkly blue lunch-box and an insulated water bottle which I tied to the strings that hung down either side of my backpack. Oh yea, I was the picture of cool.... and by that I mean I was the biggest walking target from the "boonies" that ever lived. Thankfully, my fashion sense has improved but I'm still that same girl on the inside. I used to get picked on sooo much when I was younger, my hair was fluffy, I couldn't dress to save my life, and I always had my nose in a book. So, I learned to change my ways so that people would think I was "cool". Yes yes I realize that was stupid, but you're positively lying if you say you would have done otherwise so don't even try me. I learned how to talk, dress, and act so that I would have some semblance of fitting in. Until recently I never realized that I guard myself when I talk to people. When I text some one that I don't know as well I carefully phrase each sentence so that I don't sound weird or dorky. How dumb is that? I actually can't believe I'm admitting that, but it's true! I've realized lately that doing that makes absolutely zero sense. If I can't just speak how I normally speak, and act how I always do, even if that person likes me or enjoys me, they don't like me for who I am. They like me for who I *pretend* to be. To be perfectly honest, it's tiring and annoying and overall frustrating to pretend that you're something you're not all the time and sooner or later no one will be fooled. Usually I take the last part of my blog to give some tidbit of self-discovered wisdom, or a quote blah blah blah but to tell you the truth I'm not gonna do that this time. Why? Because I still don't quite have this figured out! I'm just now starting to accept my oddball status and realize that I like myself way better this way. It kind of goes along with my "Hot pink and sparkles" entry that I wrote a few days ago. That was my discovery of how much I enjoy being different. I'm going to be a camp counselor this summer. I will be working with 3 other girl counselors and 4 guys and to be honest I'm scared out of my mind. My little dorky inner self is still saying "What if I'm too weird, what if they don't like me, what if (heaven forbid) even my campers think I'm weird. OH NO!" The theme for camp this summer is "A Battle to Fight" and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. That's not just my inner dorky self talking, that is the evil one trying to lure me over and change my mind and cripple my heart. 1 Peter 5:8 says "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion searching for someone to devour". Well guess what? I don't feel like being a mid-meal snack today! So, I'm gonna sing the song that Dory sings in Finding Nemo to the fish that tries to eat them "No eating here tonight, No eating here tonight, No no no eating here tonight, you're onnn aaaa diiiietttt". I will bask in my oddball self knowing that God made me that way. Insecure or not, I will fight my battles and I will win because the one that is more powerful than any other is on my side, whether I'm a dork or not.