Objectivity

Objectivity. I feel like those Dictionary.com "word of the day" things that you find on lame yahoo home pages. So when I say that word though, I'm kind of making up my own definition for it. I don't mean it in the sense of looking at a person or a situation without being biased. I mean, spending life feeling like an Object. Feeling sometimes more like a shiny new bike (or a dingy old one depending on how you see yourself) than a person. I've always struggled with this feeling. Lame, I know, but to be honest I think most people experience this feeling at least once in their life. That feeling of being in a room full of people and screaming the Sesame Street theme song at the top of your lungs and not a single person turns around to look at you. Ridiculous. I know, but don't you sit there at your computer screen and shake your head pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. Don't worry, no one will see you reading this. It's ok to admit you know how that feels.  I guess my experience of this feeling has always come from loser dudes who have no concept of loving a woman "as Christ loved the church". Heaven forbid, i'm going a little bit out of most people's comfort zones here, but it's true. You know, those guys that just kind of give you the ' up and down' look when you walk by, like they're looking at the new car they want and not seeing you for the woman you are. I guess I'm naive enough that I noticed it a long time ago, but never really understood what it meant until recently. Here's what I've learned; if you don't want to be "objectified" don't put yourself in situations where you will be. I'm learning the importance of dressing like I want to be respected, of not putting up with guys that don't know *how* to respect me. Girls, you are *princesses* and daughters of a King who holds you in a position his highest love and respect. "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who *fears the LORD* is to be praised!" Proverbs 31:30. You are to be *praised* for being a woman of the Lord. I've spent my life wondering why I can't find a man who loves me the way Christ calls him to and I've realized it's because I'm not honoring and respecting that love that Christ has for me. Whoa. yea, it hits you pretty hard, huh? I've spent so much time being angry about being "objectified" and now I'm realizing that a lot of it has been my fault all along.
      This doesn't mean you have to feel guilty (which is what I'm trying to convince myself of at the moment). In the past week, I've met and talked with several people who are going through a really tough time.  The unifying feeling I felt from every single one of them was this; fear of being alone. Aren't we all? Goodness, I know I am. It's the running family joke in my house (that I brought on myself by complaining about it) is that I'm going to be a cat lady. Yep, it's true. One of those crazy old bag ladies that has 12 cats and puts stickers on the back of her '99 minivan "My cat is smarter than your honor roll student" and has no concept of social interaction. Utterly ridiculous. Tell me though, single ladies reading this, or even ones that are in a relationship now; did you ever feel that way? Totally afraid of something as ridiculous as being a cat lady (or dog lady?) simply because we are afraid of being alone.  I think this feeling of "objectivity" has a lot to do with this feeling. As a culture we have gotten so used to being put on a pedestal as women, but not in the right way. We're used to pop culture magazine that tell us through creepy 1984-esque subliminal messaging  "You must weigh X amount of pounds, have blue eyes, blonde hair, and wear trendy, revealing clothes to be powerful woman". What?! No no no no no. Don't fall for the trick. All those statements lead to a life of feeling "objectified". What else could it possibly lead to when "Cosmo" is talking rampantly about things that should be saved for marriage or showing fashion choices that might as well be illegal (mostly because they're ugly) but also because they reveal all of you...ahem...secrets. Your strength as a woman comes from a beautiful and perfect savior, and we all know from whence comes our strength comes or hope, our lifespring and our worth.  Oh man, what a complicated subject worth is and I'll save it for another day. My point in all of this is, I have spent far too much of my life in a tug-of-war between what my Savior does for me and how to serve him, and allowing the world to tell me how to be and feel. All that lead me to is a life of feeling like an object. A life of feeling like I should be a shiny new bike and all I'll ever be is dingy, old, rusty, and broken. Because the truth is, that's all we are: broken and messy people and that is BEAUTIFUL. I'll leave you with a quote from C.S. Lewis "It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." I'm learning to not let myself be "objectified".  Put down your mud pie and go play in the waves.